Why I refuse to stop being an opinionated woman, and you should too.
Don’t let them silence you. Your words are important, your voice is needed in this world more than ever. You’re allowed to be feisty, you’re even allowed to be rude. In a world where women and femme-presenting folks have been told over and over to be docile, to be quiet, an opinionated and empowered feminine figure is still a much needed breath of fresh air.
Strong opinionated femmes represent everything we shouldn’t be – angry, strong, opinionated, weird, wild, hairy. When we speak up about something we care about with passion and conviction, we will upset people, and especially men. People will have problems with you having a voice, they’ll hurl insults at you, lecture you, tell you to not be so opinionated, they will try and correct you.
I urge you to ignore the folks still living in the old world. The world where we’re paid less, told to be smaller, skinnier, more docile, and to not take up any space in our politics, and as decision-makers.
When we speak up we’re labelled crazy bitches. We’re told we’re wrong. We’re told to not be so hostile, to not be insulting. Let them. Let them come at you, because lord knows they will. There will always be someone trying to bring you down. Slowly, I’m learning to laugh at them and continue my writing. Some men will get personally offended by your passion, they’ll lecture you, tell you to be “less angry” to “calm down.”
You’re allowed to think differently, you’re allowed to call out things as you see it. I’m tired of women being expected to be amiable, to be docile. Men take up a hell of a lot of space in this world, they make snide comments on our social media, they talk about us behind our backs. They speak over us. We even do it to ourselves! We aren’t business owners, we’re ‘boss babez.’ We’re ‘girl bosses’ because we certainly can’t be grown-up adults who are simply your fucking boss.
I know not all men are like this, I am not anti-men. I’m married to one, I have a father, I have family and friends who are men and I love them all dearly. Just because I see the sexism in the world, doesn’t mean I think all men are wrong. Do mainly men hold the power in this world? Yes. Do men mainly hold all the wealth in this world? Yes. Was Donald Trump just president? Yes.
I’m not attacking men, I’m simply pointing out an incongruence. I’m saying that women, trans folk, femmes, and non-binary people are allowed to speak their truths too and should not be attacked for it, verbally, mentally and physically.
Even in the dawn of Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok – where people freely express themselves like they never have before. How many women do you see using a soft, pastel, floral filter over their face when they talk about something they care about? I’m so sick of women entrepreneurs gyrating with a crystal dildo half naked on a beach somewhere claiming ‘feminine empowerment.’ We don’t have to use sexuality to show our power and prowess. I’d personally rather use my voice.
Princess Diana had to cover up her cleavage with handbags when exiting cars because the press would try to take snaps down her dress. This is the world we grew up in, our mothers had it worse, and their mothers even worse.
We learned we’ll be sexualized even when we aren’t trying. We will be assaulted even when we aren’t wearing makeup. The Sunshine Girls on page 3, Cosmo Magazine, How to Please Your Man. Be a good wife, Have your shit together and don’t you dare let them see you sweat.
We’ve been told to be sexy our entire lives but don’t dare be a slut. Exhibit: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson, Christina Aguilera. Women who get attention and make a name for themselves must always are sexualized. Then we’re told to shut up and stop being so damn slutty. Don’t be too loud, or too sexy, or too… anything.
Be like Kim Kardashian. The perfect balance of sexy, classy, money and success and certainly not an activist! We are simply here to be observed. We really shouldn’t speak so much. I mean when a femme speaks up, really, “Who does she think she is?” She’s someone who has valid opinions about the struggle against patriarchy, the amount of sexual assault and victim blaming still happening in the world, she is someone with her own political views, someone who speaks up about the missing and murdered.
If we don’t, who else will? Certainly not the people who tend to have a problem with us using our voices.
I’m just so sick of anyone who isn’t a cisgender heterosexual man being expected to behave a certain way and not only that being told to! I don’t want your damn unsolicited advice. Femmes should wear makeup, pretty dresses, lipstick, they should only say pleasant things.
Some men don’t see the clear advantage they really have, the fact that they can literally roll out of bed and be a presentable CEO. The space they take up online, in journalism, on televison, in person, in group discussions. The sexist comments, the long-winded explanations of things we ALREADY understand thank you very much. You really will never truly understand. Please stop assuming we need things explained to us.
Men are ‘intellectual’, just the ‘devil’s advocate’ in a debate while anyone feminine is an outspoken bitch.
I will no longer allow myself to be told to be quiet by men, not in my family, and certainly not on the internet. It took thousands of women to stand forward and say #MeToo before we were taken seriously, before we were believed. Now it feels like we’re taking steps backwards, and to be honest, that scares me. It took 50 years of protesting, marching and being outspoken bitches in the thousands just to get the right to vote.
But still, we’re too emotional, illogical, hormonal. We shouldn’t insult anyone, we shouldn’t step on any toes because of the dire consequences that might come at us. Because lord knows we aren’t insulted by men on a regular basis. We’re asked if we’re PMSing, we must be on our periods if we react to anything, if we’re pissed off about something. We’re weaponized, demonized and made out to be evil sluts.
WE ARE ALLOWED TO BE PISSED OFF. Abortion rights being taken in 2022. ‘Grab her by the pussy,’ the motto of our last president. The public outcry of “toxic femininity” and a modern day witch hunt just for speaking up about domestic abuse. How dare Amber Turd say anything bad about our beloved Johnny. Right? She MUST be incorrect, even after she’s proven herself already in court and won a fair trial.
Honestly – it’s exhausting! I encourage those who read this, feel this, who know what I’m talking about – you are allowed to speak your truth, you’re allowed to have your voice.
And hey, people might not agree with you and that’s OK! Allow the haters to come at you. People will certainly surprise you, but deep down, are you really surprised when a man’s ego gets hurt and he lectures you and berates you for it? Is this really something new at this point?
Our gender has been used as an attack against us for centuries, and does it really boggle your mind that some men still haven’t figured out why “we’re so angry” why “we always have to make it about gender.” News flash: the world is STILL sexist. Opinionated means bitch. Bossy means too opinionated. We’ve been told since we were little to shut up, sexualize ourselves and go on a goddamn diet. Conform or be judged.
Don’t let the chauvinists get you down. I personally refuse to keep taking the berating, the verbal, physical and mental abuse that my mother, her mother and my great-grandmother received. I’ve seen it unfold far too many times, they try to take our power by silencing us.
I won’t stand for it. I will call you out on it. I will block and not bless. If you’re a man and you’re reading this and it pisses you off, good. If you feel like you’re one of the good ones and this is triggering you, look inwards, see why me having my own opinion on my own website makes you so fucking angry.
If this makes you uncomfortable – try getting a Brazilian and wearing a thong.